3 Tools for Clear Communication

One way to reduce the clutter in your communication and get what you want is to “make a request.”  A “request” is similar to an invitation. When you receive an invitation, you can accept it or decline.  In addition, a “request” can provide an opportunity for a counter-offer.

When you start a sentence with the words: “I have a request,” it forces you to be clear about what you want.  It also alerts the listener to pay attention, without the fear, manipulation or apprehension that can occur when someone barks “I need this now!” or candy-coats “Can you do me a favor?”

For example, instead of blurting out: “You’re late again!” or being passive-aggressive about it by sighing, rolling your eyes and looking at your watch as the offender strolls past your office 30 minutes late, try this:

Think through what you really want and how you want to come across as a leader and manager. Align your thoughts words and actions to that image. Now you’re ready make your request.

“Bill, I have a request. When I hired you, you said you would work from 8 – 4. The past couple weeks, you’re not here until 8:15, sometime later.  I request that you honor your commitment to work from 8 to 4.”

In this example, the manager is holding Bill accountable for keeping his commitment.  There is no drama, blame or opportunity for excuses.  It does provide, however, an opening for Bill to make another request or counter offer, such as: “I’m taking the kids to school now. Would it be possible to start at 9 and leave at 5?”

Remember: when making a request, you need to be prepared for it to be declined or engage in a counter offer.  If you’re not willing to accept a “no” or a counter offer, then don’t make a request.

Instead, you need to state your expectations.

Sometimes we think we’ve communicated expectations, but maybe we’ve only been rehearsing the dialogue in our heads!  Did you actually tell the person what is expected?    Or did you say something like: “you should know this is part of the job…”

Please note:  saying “you should know” can put the other person on the defensive and rarely results in a good outcome.

So next time, instead of being snarky and saying, “Why can’t you get this right consistently?”  Try this:

“Karen, we’ve reviewed this customer’s specifications for this job.  I expect you to consistently do the work according to these requirements. If this happens again, there will be a written warning.”

Make sure your expectations are reasonable and actually part of the job.  It helps to refer to documentation to support the expectation, such as a job description, product specifications, or legal requirements. People also need to know what happens if they don’t meet expectations.

Finally, keep your promises.  If you say you’ll do something, do it.  If you find that you are over committed or can’t follow through, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it to the person to whom you made the commitment.  Do it as soon as you’re aware that you can’t keep the promise.  (Now we know you’re smarter than a fifth grader, but don’t act like one by saying “but I didn’t say: ‘I promise.’”)  All you have is your word. Don’t diminish your integrity by not keeping your word to someone.

One of the best ways to have others keep their “promises” to you is to model this behavior.  However there are times when we need to hold people accountable for not following through their commitments to us.

For example, “Jim, you said you’d have the analysis completed by today. I was counting on including that information for my presentation next week. What happened and when will it be completed?”

Again, there’s no need for drama.

So there you have it.  Here’s the formula for clear communication:

Clarity of thinking+ Aligning your words to your thoughts

+ Taking action that is consistent with your thoughts and words

=  Getting the results you want.

Marty Stanley, Dynamic Dialog, Inc. Call Marty to speak at your next conference, in your organization and to facilitate your visioning, planning and teambuilding sessions.

816-822-4047 martystanley@alteringoutcomes.com

www.alteringoutcomes.com